


Elf off the Shelf

by ChelsaRegal



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Christmas, F/F, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 17:44:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17166425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChelsaRegal/pseuds/ChelsaRegal
Summary: Regina always knows best. Especially when it comes to the art of shelving the elf.What happens when Emma thinks Regina has gone too far?Text convo between Emma and Regina on Christmas Day.





	Elf off the Shelf

**Author's Note:**

> I'm ALIVE! Sorry for the long absence but I have simply been reading more than writing. (The reading helps the emotional roadblocks and rollercoasters though.) Enjoy all! Happy Christmas!

 

Christmas Morning

  
7:02-- Emma:  
You're in trouble. Just so you know.

7:03--Regina:  
I’ve done nothing.

7:03--Regina:  
Good morning to you too. Merry Christmas, dear.

7:05--Emma:  
Morning. You are grounded. And on Christmas Day too.

7:05--Regina:  
Bah Humbug.

7:15--Emma:  
You should be ashamed of yourself, Regina.

7:16--Regina:  
I must be in trouble if you used my actual name. Geez.

7:19--Emma:  
How could you? What did I ever do to deserve this?

7:22--Regina:  
As a wise man by the name of Shaggy said, “It wasn't me.”

  
7:23-Emma:

It's not funny. A child was traumatized due to your antics.

  
7:23-Regina:

When did we switch roles? YOU are always the one in trouble.

  
7:25-Regina:

Besides, you can't prove anything.

  
7:27-Emma:

Oh pleeease. This is so sadistic you basically left a signed note.

  
7:28-Emma:  
Only you would be this cruel. For shame.

  
7:30-Regina:  
Why are you being mean to me? It's Christmas and I thought you cared for me?

7:31-Regina:  
I've been home alone all night. Left and forgotten by my loved ones on Christmas Eve.

  
7:35-Emma:  
You are not the victim here, Macaulay Culkin, and you know it.

7:35-Regina:  
DON'T CALL ME THAT!

  
7:36-Regina:  
I am a sophisticated woman. NOT a pubescent teen such as yourself.

7:36-Emma:  
Hey! You are dating this teen! What am I saying? Shut it, Gina. You are in trouble!

7:40-Regina:  
Bite me. When you return home after abandoning me of course. You have no proof of my wrongdoing.

7:41-Emma:  
Gina, I did not abandon you. We were all invited to sleep over at my parents. You said you had more present wrapping to do and would come over in the morning.

7:43-Regina:  
That is correct. And I will be arriving shortly after I finish getting dressed.

7:44-Regina:  
You are slowing me down with your accusations.

  
7:45-Emma:  
The evidence speaks for itself.

7:45-Emma:  
You've been pushing your luck all month and you’ve gone too far.

  
7:46-Regina:  
Come on , Emma. You know I was only trying to help. I'm a good person now.

  
7:46-Emma:  
Good person my ass! I'm scarred for life, Regina! I'm scarred for life!

  
7:48-Emma:  
There are things I can't unsee.

  
7:48-Regina:  
As Sam said, “I can fix that.”

  
7:50-Emma:  
Ok. You have been watching too many movies on your vacation.

  
7:51-Regina:  
Holes is a classic. And have you SEEN Shia LaBeouf lately!

7:52-Regina:  
I actually do have a potion though.

  
7:53-Emma:  
I ain't tryin to forget another year of my life. Thanks but no thanks. Been there, slept with the monkey.

7:55-Regina:  
I didn't curse us those past few times! I know what I’m doing Emma!

  
7:55-Emma:  
Just like u knew what u were doing last night! A.k.a scaring children to death!

8:00-Regina:  
Melodramatic much, dear.

8:01-Emma:  
I see your cruelty behind my eyelids even.

  
8:03-Regina:  
But did you die?

  
8:08-Emma:  
It's over between us.

  
8:10-Regina:  
Fine! I'll say it. I'm sorry.

  
8:15  
*Emma is typing*

 

8:30-Regina:  
Emma?

8:31-  
**Missed call from Gina**

8:32-Regina:  
Darling, I am truly sorry.

  
8:35-Regina:  
Emma, you can't do this to me on Christmas Day. I have all these presents that are going to waste.

8:40-Regina:  
I guess I can donate them to a group home.

8:45-Regina:  
I know I gave them gifts already but what are a few more?

  
8:46-Emma:  
Don't you play with my gifts, woman.

  
8:47-Regina:  
Oh I won't, but there are children out there that will love to. You know I can never turn away a child’s happiness.

8:48-Emma:  
How dare you take an orphan’s presents!

  
8:50-Regina:  
You slept at your parent's last night.

8:50-Emma:  
Once an orphan always an orphan. How dare u threaten my gifts.

8:51-Regina:  
How dare you ignore me and threaten me. On Christmas day. When I said I was sorry.

  
8:52-Regina:  
I simply helped little Ralph become more effective and interesting.

  
8:53-Emma:  
OK. About that….

  
8:53-Regina:  
What? He was hilarious.

  
8:54-Emma:  
He was creepy, Gina!

  
8:54-Emma:  
Day 1, you attached him to MMs vanity with tiny caution tape.

  
8:55-Regina:  
Lots of people do that, Em! I saw it on Pinterest!

8:56-Emma:  
Those people don't have magic Regina!

  
8:57-Regina:  
Well that sounds like a personal problem.

  
8:58-Emma:  
MM almost wet herself when she went to her bathroom and saw him.

  
8:59-Regina:  
Maybe she needs to wear depends undies if it was that easy.

  
9:01-Emma:  
Nooo. What topped the cake was when good ol' Ralph started saying “I'm baaack” On creepy repeat when she got closer.

9:02-Regina:  
You know you laughed at that!

9:04-Emma:  
It still wasn't right, Gina! I didn't know that wasn't even the worst thing you could come up with!

  
9:05-Regina:  
B**ch, please.

  
9:06-Emma:  
My bad for thinking you were over this one-sided prank war by now. It's been months after all.

  
9:07-Regina:  
I was saving my resources for the most wonderful time of the year.

  
9:08-Emma:  
Incorrigible.

  
9:08-Regina:  
That’s a big word for you.

  
9:10-Emma:  
Apparently not as big as your head if you think I won't break up with you after today's shenanigans.

  
9:11-Regina:  
I said I was sorry.

  
9:15-Emma:  
You didn’t seem sorry the next day when poor Ralph was on the toilet.

9:16-Regina:  
When he has to go he has to go.

  
9:18-Emma:  
Did he have to wipe his tiny bottom with MM’s toothbrush?

9:19-Regina:  
Sounds like she brought that on herself. That cheap toilet paper is hardly worth using.

9:20- Emma:  
Regina!

  
9:21-Regina:  
Emma. I'm trying to get dressed here. I don't have time for this now.

9:22- Emma:  
Well I didn't have time last week to deal with Ralph’s melted face after I saved him from the toaster!

9:25-Regina-  
Don't blame me for that! Your mother made him suicidal after that fruitcake mishap.

  
9:26- Emma:  
He doesn't have FEELINGS Regina! And he didn't eat any fruitcake!

  
9:27- Regina:  
Well I wasn't so lucky.

  
9:28-Emma:  
I know. I was the one holding your hair back, Gina.

  
9:30- Regina:  
I forget. Did I thank you for inviting me to family dinner? If I did, I take it back.

  
9:32- Emma:  
Hey, you owe me. Not for the bathroom explosion of 2018, but for the hell you have put me through this morning.

  
9:33-Regina:  
We agreed that we would never speak of it again. And do not call it that!

  
9:35- Emma:  
You brought it up lady! And I'm still mad at you.

  
9:36-Regina:  
I have no idea why, dear.

  
9:36-Emma:  
Okay, sure. So who else would sneak into the Charming apartment?

  
9:37- Regina:  
The real question is who would want to? That place is an acquired taste. Like cocktailed onions.

9:38-Emma:  
Who else has a weird vendetta against Mary Margaret?

  
9:39-Emma:  
Hmmm? Any takers?

  
9:40-Regina:  
She's no saint, Emma!

  
9:41-Emma:  
But what exactly did she do this time to deserve what happened today?

  
9:42-Regina:  
Was the fruitcake not enough?!

  
9:43- Emma:  
Enough to put MM inside of RALPH?!!!

  
9:45- Emma:  
Do you know how freaked I was to wake up with a doll staring me in the face!

9:46- Regina:  
Perhaps.

  
9:47- Emma:  
You sadistic….You spied on me didn't you! Ugh! I KNEW it!

9:50-Regina:  
You should've seen Snow’s face when SHE woke up. It was priceless.

  
9:51- Regina:  
I believe she said “David! Look at my little hands!”

9:52- Regina:  
Honestly, her entire being is inside a doll and she notices her HANDS!

  
9:55-Emma:  
You know those things creep me out as it is, Regina! Half her face is melted! I could've had a heart attack and died.

  
9:56- Regina:  
I was watching you the entire time, Emma. You were fine. Still are might I add.

10:00-Regina:  
And how is little Ralph Margaret doing?

10:02-Emma:  
Chasing a 1 ft. tall elf is trickier than you'd think. She is always on the move and getting into mischief.

  
10:04-Emma:  
She slid herself inside a roll of toilet paper and rolled down the stairs.

  
10:05-Regina:  
Bahahaha. What else?

  
10:06- Emma:  
I was serious earlier, Gina. Our relationship is in danger.

10:06- Regina:  
You wouldn't dare. You're bluffing.

  
10:08-Emma:  
Am I, Gina? Am I? Because I'm the one over here cleaning up sprinkles from the cabinet after a shrunken MM decided to make snow angels!

10:10- Regina:  
I'm on my way now if you would cease your distracting texts.

  
10:11-Emma:  
You better poof now or you'll miss her swinging from an ornament like a wrecking ball.

  
10:12- Regina:  
Oh, I wouldn't miss a chance to make a video of that.

   
10:12- Regina: I promise that I will return her normal mousey form in a couple hours. I have a few poses I want to put her into. It's Christmas after all, darling. 

 

 

 

 


End file.
